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Pictures of the past

When I was 12 years old, my parents got divorced. To this day I am not exactly sure why. My sister and I ended up living with my mom, while my dad moved away. For some reason, my dad never came around to see us, nor sent us any money. I never saw anyone on his side of the family again. Financially times were pretty rough. I remember eating a lot of macaroni and cheese. I saw my dad once when I was 14. He brought me a birthday present. We talked for a bit and then he had to go. As I recall he was like that when I was younger. Always working and had to go. I never saw my dad again. He did send me a Valentines Day card when I was 17. I never heard from him again. I did not know where he lived.

My mom married a great guy, my stepdad, who became what I would proclaim to be the worlds greatest dad. He took real good care of us and helped us through some tough times.  I only hope that I am a good father like him.

A few years ago, my mom got a call from a neighbor that my dads name was in the obituaries. My mom read the obit and found out that he had died about 3 or 4 months ago. Strange. They don't run those things for that long she thought. She called the paper to find out why it was still in there. They told her that someone had paid to keep it running for a few months. My mom asked who it was. The young man said he could not tell her but he could call the person and give them my mom's number. My mom had him do that. Minutes later, my dad's sister called my mom and they had a long conversation. My mom called me.

I called my aunt and have been in contact with her ever since. Over the last few years, she and I have done a lot of catching up. She pretty well filled me in on what I missed over the years. I tried to call her every holiday and sometimes in between. I always meant to go see her. Kept talking about it. When I called last month, my cousin answered. My aunt had a major stroke. She is recovering slowly but will never fully recover. Darn.

Yesterday, in my mailbox, I recieved a package from my cousin. She sent me a little book of pictures of almost everyone in the family. My wife and kids, and I had a great time looking through it. It is really all that I have of that side of my family. It was good for my kids to finally see that my family tree does split.

There were a few pictures of my dad  in his last days. He had a bad case of MS and lived his last few years in a nursing home. It was harder than I thought it would be for me to see him, all old and withered. Not how I remembered him.  I cried a bit. My wife says that our oldest son looks a lot like my dad. She thinks that I look like my dad's mom. Pictures do tell a lot.

I am making plans to get down there and see my aunt, and my whole new family. I will not miss out again, nor do I want my kids to.

 

Comment balloon 10 commentsKevin Robinson • October 30 2009 10:30AM

Comments

What a touching story.  It is strange how this life works.  I am a single mom of one amazing 12 year old son who is the center of my world and a total blessing.  His father is very uninvolved in his life (he has addictions and is very into himself) and I often wonder if one day he will regret missing all these wonderful years of watching his son grow into an intelligent, talented and compassionate man.  I know if I missed one single day it would break my heart!  I pray that he one day re-engages in his life so that he can be a part of the blessings of parenthood.  Glad things are coming around in your family and you have been given such an awesome gift!

Blessings!

Posted by Jeani Codrey, If you're not learning, you're not living! (The Learning Jeani) over 9 years ago

Kevin...Been there done that...I try not to repeat it.  Time gets away from us so quickley.  This is a good reminder for myself that I need to vist a few people.  I think I will call them today!  Enjoy the visit!!!

Posted by William Feela, Realtor, Whispering Pines Realty 651-674-5999 No. (WHISPERING PINES REALTY) over 9 years ago

Kevin, as sad as it is a lot of us have stories very similar.  I am happy to see the changes and perceptions changing with men that make them want to be more involved in their kids lives today.  Good luck on the visit, I hope it not only brings closure but also is a beginning to something new.

Posted by Heather Adkinson, Real Estate Agent - Moses Lake (Windermere K-2 Realty LLC www.propertiesinmoseslake.com) over 9 years ago

You just made me cry.. I have the same exact story to a T  EXCEPT my real dad is still alive not doing well.

The song that I cant stand hearing, "cats in the cradle" by Harry Chapin... (reminds me of my real father)

A song I love to hear, "The man he didnt have to be" by Brad Paisley.... (reminds me of my wonderful dad that took over my fathers responsibilities).

 

 

Posted by Mark and Tana Hunt, Born and raised in Austin, WE KNOW THIS PLACE! (Team Price Real Estate/Dan Price Broker) over 9 years ago

Kevin - I do see how we all get to know each other on this network. I appreciate your honesty and integrity. My Dad died at age 42 and I was 17 years old, and that was a hard transition into manhood. But, your story rings true with many people, knowing a "step" dad more intimately than the biological one, I feel your step dad was your real dad after all. I hope you don't get offended at me saying that, its just my opinion.

Thanks for sharing, you touched my heart today, as usual.

Posted by Broker Nick, Broker Nick Relocation Broker Service (South Florida Real Estate & Development, Inc.) over 9 years ago

Kevin, enjoy your visit. Better late than never.

Posted by Jon Budish (Resident Realty) over 9 years ago

Kevin,  I can relate to your pain.  I did not experience it personally except through my son.  His father left and never made an attempt to be part of my sons life.

When my son was an adult his father called him and wanted him to come and see him. Said he needed him.  My son felt since he was never there for him - he owed him nothing.  About two years later his father was found dead.  He was not ill he died suddenly.  My son will never know what he really wanted to say to him or if they could have had a relationship as adults.

We cut people off in our lives for various reasons. We can be unforgiving. We think there is always tomorrow.  Today is all you have.

 

Posted by Bonnie Vaughan, CNE SFR - Buyers/Sellers - Lackawanna & Surroundin over 9 years ago

When it is all said and done, nothing else on this earth really matters but the relationships you have with the people you love.

Posted by Janna Scharf, Coeur d'Alene Idaho Real Estate Expert (Keller Williams Realty Coeur d'Alene) over 9 years ago

I also was a  child of divorce so  I can relate to alot of what you posted ! Some pain from it is permanently in us ! I encourage myself by remembering what our Heavenly Father said "I will be a father to the fatherless" His love is forever and unconditional !

Posted by Michael J. Perry, Lancaster, PA Relo Specialist (KW Elite ) over 9 years ago

I'm crying as well.  Thank you for sharing this story.  I think it was a special learning lesson for your children also. 

Posted by Melissa Anderson (Mortgage of Texas & Financial) over 9 years ago

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